Thursday, September 1, 2016


I wish someone warned me.
Who knew I was about to go through metal detectors? 

I have put off replacing our missing security card for years now. They are hidden in the folds of a book somewhere, laughing at me.

First off, to get a child's Social Security Card replaced you will need proof of identity and a birth certificate. Since they don't have a driver's license or student i.d. yet this can be challenging. To solve this you can easily get an identity form from your doctor. Good thing my doctor is helpful, smart, and has a great staff. They easily added her photograph to a biography sheet which the doctor stamped & signed. Perfecto.

If you are like me you want your ducks in a row. You do not want to leave any chance of making a repeat trip. Maybe a toddler Mom puts extra effort in to this because lugging a toddler around is a bit challenging at times. Glad my gal is patient and sits nicely in her stroller. 

Not all cities have a social security office. They are probably the lucky ones. About 10 US states can apply & replace online. Of course Colorado is not on the list. 

Upon arrival, I pull into a empty parking lot. However the office has been open 30 minutes and the line is around the front of the building. 

(See the fun look on my face)

I feel like I'm at the DMV. If any of you have lived in Colorado Springs for at least ten years you should remember when we had one DMV. Back then you came at 7 am and the line wrapped the building. This was just the line to get in. The seats would be filled and the line would be long.

At the Social Security office the line was caused by the classic incompetent "Rent-A-Cop" complex man, who has been given authority at the metal detector. The seats are empty yet we are standing in line like prisoners. I'm really glad to see my tax dollars hard at work.

I wait 45 minutes to finally make it through the tiny lobby into the building. I have my child in a stroller. One with cup holders. I have her milk in one and my coffee in another.

 I felt like I was taking an international flight. My bags were searched. My silver bracelet and fit bit were asked to be removed. (Which I honestly said I WANT THEM BACK) My coffee was inspected. Since my cup was a POP TOP not a SCREW ON, it was not allowed. Everything was based on what cup I picked this morning, obviously the wrong choice. There is a trashcan right outside. We can both see it through the window. I ask if I can pour it out and was told I can not bring in an empty cup!? Are you kidding me?

First off I have a medical condition which leaves me carrying a drink and snacks at all times. (Except that one time my blood sugar was crashing and I dug through my daughter's diaper bag and chowed down on two lollipops so I didn't pass out. Mental Note: Do not to eat blue candy before attending grown up events.)

Secondly, this cup is a Tervis Tumbler. They are the nicest and priciest cups on the market. You are not taking my Tervis. He never checked my daughter's cups. So I can bring in two milk cups but not an empty cup? However based on his explanation you can bring a cup of acid with a screw top and a bottle of vodka. But he was so fixated on my coffee.

I'm very angry at this point, and my mouth loses its filter. That southern girl inside decided to surface. I called him an idiot and I'll take my cup to my car before I'll let his grubby hands touch it. I don't recall much between my car and waiting back in line. Except the part I told my daughter how sorry I am for the country she will be left with. That we are a backwards nation which takes care of the wrong people, and this is the kind of crap our tax dollars are paying for. If this is an example of our government then I give up all hope. As I wait back in line I can't understand anything because I have two Russians yelling to each next to me. All's I can think of is Svetlana from Shameless. At least that gives me a bit of a giggle.

Here we go again. One more time. Again, he never checks my daughter's 2 cups. One is in my bag. Next time disguise your cup with Stickers or just let your kid hold your coffee. (Of course not burning hot people) Because you can bring any liquid in a kids cup. Paint, pee, anything. Awe. Is this a flaw? Did the want-to-be He-man d.b. Rent-A-Cop miss something? What about terrorists using thier kids now? You're so big and bad but you're nothing but a security guard and careless. My daughter's stroller is never checked, nor is it pushed through the metal detector. Didn't you just make a big deal over my coffee? Yet you now are so careless you missed so much. Next time I'll strap my coffee to her waiste or under my stroller. If you're not checking my stroller, couldn't someone sneak a gun in on one of thiers? No longer does thier metal detectors have a purpose if they don't even use a wand on a stroller.

Wait, coffee is the objective here. Not personal security.  It just goes to show that his cares were to rid me of my coffee and not fully check my items. Good thing you are not part of our REAL homeland security because you sir are an epic failure at security checking. Do not pick and choose. Check everything.  You take five minutes a person and let a stroller go unchecked? Priorities for safety are not a Rent-A-Cops priority, coffee is.

 How many Rent-A-Cops does it take to work a medal detector? 2. One to look through your stuff (plus be a jerk) and one to lean on the wall, arms crossed, doing nothing.

I am SO glad I did this now so my daughter will NEVER have to go through this process in the future. What's next, full body scanners, cavity searches?

However, Equestrian girls came in handy and kept my daughter busy.

 I waited less time, from start to finish replacing my card, than I did in the metal detector line. Pretty pathetic. Good ol' Government Agency. 

I suggest bringing a pen. They have no pens. Because we all want to go there to steal pens. So I was happy to loan out two pens to be helpful. It was the least I could do for the process we endured entering the building. 

Next step, passports! At least the post office doesn't use metal detectors (yet).

All opinions are my own. I will never return to a social security office again. 

1 comment:

  1. Hahahahahahahahahaha! You should visit the Social Security office in Lumberton, NC or in downtown Fayetteville, NC. You are DEFINITELY NOT missing ANYTHING there. No Metal Detectors, but same asshole "Rent-A-Losers" & A Bunch of Robeson County & Cumberland County TRASH!